The "Return of Chad" lasted two plays. Him and Bob Sanders are the football equivalent to Greg Oden. Bless their soles. I know how you feel guys. My senior year of high school, I tore ligaments in my shooting hand a week before the opener. Some (myself) would argue my school missed out on a national championship, because of that injury. You always want to be there for your team week-in and week-out, but sometimes you just can't be.
Chicago is 5-2 when I pick against them. Bach Talk texted me this earlier today: "Just pick [the Dolphins]. If the Bears win, I get to taunt you. If the Dolphins win, you're happy and I beat you up." So just for that I'm picking the Bears. Odds are they won't win, and you can't beat me up if they don't. Totally foiled your plan dude.
Buffalo at Cincinnati
I picture this game ending like this:
It's not going to be pretty. It will be close. Down the stretch something absolutely ridiculous will happen. And in the end, Gus Johnson will make it exciting as hell.
Detroit at Dallas
This might be my "mortal lock of the century." I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure that without Gus Johnson announcing this, there's literally no way Dallas can lose. Kinda funny that the Lions two best players (prior to this season) in the last five years are lining up against them (John Kitna and Roy Williams). Sure the Lions were 0-16 with those guys at the helm, but it's the guys surrounding them (Dez Bryant, Miles Austin, DeMarcus Ware) the Lions should be worried about.
Washington at Tennessee
On Sunday, it appeared Donovan McNabb signed a 5 year, $70 million contract with $40 million guaranteed. That night Donovan lost 59-28 to his former team, at the hands of the third string quarterback he mentored the year before. All while the man Philadelphia kicked him out of town for, Kevin Kolb, watched from the bench. The next day we learned that McNabb's contract is only really worth $3.5 million guaranteed. I think it's safe to say McNabb is having one of the worst weeks ever.
Tennessee was bad last week, so they'll be good this week.
Arizona at Kansas City
"Eff You" game for Todd Haley. Sure the "eff you" is directed at Josh McDaniels and the Broncos for running up the score against them last week. But you think Todd Haley cares? The man is heated. It's a shame the Cardinals had to be the sacrificial lamb in all of this.
Green Bay at Minnesota
If Minnesota wins, I think Brett Favre retires. The closest thing he'll ever have to going out on top is beating Aaron Rodgers in a regular season match-up in Week 11. Haven't we learned over the last three years that Brett doesn't want to retire? I think he throws this game.
(Ps. For a guy that cares so much about helping his team win, he has an awful way of showing it. Don't you think if he really wanted his team to win, he wouldn't play on a broken ankle and a shoulder that needs surgery? Oh the records don't matter to you Brett? Then why won't you sit out, rest up and play healthy down the stretch? Why did you come back to make sure your interception record was out of reach? I hope Tom Brady loses this week. If he ties and then breaks Favre's record of 25 straight wins at home, the old gunslinger might die trying to re-break that record.)
Houston at NY Jets
I could say a lot of things about the Texans right now, but I'll let Tom Hanks some it up for all of us:
Oakland at Pittsburgh
Did I ever think Oakland at Pittsburgh would be the hardest pick for me this week? No way. A wise man told me Oakland's success is highly-dependent on its run game. Pittsburgh has the best rush defense in the league. I'll give the "Steel Curtain" the nod.
Baltimore at Carolina
You know your team is bad when most people pick whoever is playing you over whoever is playing the Bills in their survivor pools.
Cleveland at Jacksonville
Both hot hands right now. Cleveland lost last week. Jacksonville is still on a heater. And you never leave the table on a heater.
Tampa Bay at San Francisco
"Operation get to 6-10 and win the NFC West" moves one step closer to mission accomplished.
Seattle at New Orleans
Two weeks ago I dubbed the Saints/Carolina game the "Return of Reggie." I obviously didn't check the injury report. This week I know Reggie really wants to play, and I think he will. Pete Carroll has taken no blame for the USC recruiting scandal. Instead, he stepped aside and let all the blame fall on Bush. Something tells me Reggie will be high-stepping into the end zone this week. If he doesn't run out of bounds and clock Pete in the face first instead.
Atlanta at St. Louis *Upset Special
Simply for the fact that every team that suddenly has a case to be the new #1 (see ESPN's power rankings), instantly gets upset the next week.
Indianapolis at New England
Did we ever think this match-up, Brady (2176 yards, 17 TDs, 4 INTs) vs. Manning (2663 yards, 16 TDs, 4 INTs), would be a match-up between the NFL's second and third best quarterbacks? And that the quarterback ahead of them both...might be Michael Vick (1350 yards, 15 TDs (4 rush), 0 INTs, 115.1 passer rating, 341 rushing yards - in 5 1/2 games!)?
NY Giants at Philadelphia
Footage of the head of PETA was captured during last week's Monday night game, while Michael Vick put on a performance for the ages. CLICK HERE to see it.
Denver at San Diego
John Gruden's "Corny Saying of the Game":
"San Diego came "charged up" to win this game!"
John Gruden's "Player of the Game":
Everybody on the field. Cause John Kruden literally praises every player on the field during Monday night games. Expect him to say something like this: "Brandon Lloyd? Boy is this guy special. He's got speed like a gazelle out there Jaws. And the softest hands around. Boy would I like to have a guy like Brandon Lloyd on my team. Yeah, he's a real player."
Last Week: 8-6