Thursday, December 30, 2010

Week 17 Picks...

I crashed and burned last week with my picks. Things have been hectic with the holidays, planning for New Years and studying for the most difficult exam of my life. I apologize (mostly to Nunes) for my lackluster performance last week. I flipped a few of my picks last minute (Green Bay, Denver) and it cost me dearly. But the good news is. There's still one week left. And unlike the 2007-08 Patriots, I plan to finish this season on a perfect note.

I pray I'm wrong about the Packers and Giants games though.

Last Week: 6-10
Season: 143-97

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Week 16 Picks...

Carolina at Pittsburgh (Thursday Night Football)
So apparently, in the last two years, Pittsburgh is 14-4 with Troy Polamalu and 4-8 without him. Aside from the fact this means the Jets win last week really wasn't that impressive, it also means Carolina could be a real contender this week with Polamalu out again. Oh wait, no it doesn't.

Dallas at Arizona (Christmas Special)
All anyone could ever ask for on Christmas is a Dallas-Arizona game, right? Santa, for Christmas, I really really want Larry Fitzgerald to get the ball rolling in my fantasy championship this week with 35 points. Studies show Larry Fitzgerald 35-point fantasy performances are a great stocking-stuffer. Just saying. There's extra cookies in it for you. Oh, and my opponent is Jewish (if that counts for anything in your book).

Washington at Jacksonville
Rex Grossman's last name best describes his quarterbacking skills: Gross, man! Boy am I lame sometimes. No wait, according to my Facebook account, under interests (last updated the summer going into freshman year of college), I'm interested in "partying". So I guess that makes me cool right? I laughed out loud at myself when I read that the other day. Everyone that friended me on Facebook that summer must of thought I was going to be "THE MAN!" coming into college. Even though I had like six parties under my belt at the time.

Detroit at Miami
My buddy parlayed 10 of my picks last week. $5 could've landed him $1532 (Yes folks, that's how powerful my picks are). Anyways, I really wanted to go 10-0 in those games so the only sucker in that sucker bet would be the institution running the gambling site. One of those picks was Miami over Buffalo. Another thing to note: My fantasy kicker is Dan Carpenter (the leading fantasy kicker this year). And I was looking for him to help lead my team to the fantasy championship. Well, not only did Miami lose 17-14 (killing my buddy's parlay), but Dan Carpenter was 0-4 on field goals! 0-4! We all could've been winners Dan! This is how I reacted when I saw Dan (a Dolphin) missed four field goals:

I was really mad at a whale for some reason too. And I turned Asian for a few seconds.

San Francisco at St. Louis *Upset Special
After an 0-6 start (keep in mind I predicted the Niners to finish 11-5 this year), the Niners might still actually win the division for me. They just have to win two division games against two of the worst teams in football. It's going to be a lot harder for them than it sounds folks.

Tennessee at Kansas City *Upset Special
It wouldn't be a football season if the team ahead of San Diego in the AFC West didn't choke in one of the last two weeks.

NY Jets at Chicago
A few weeks ago, Rex Ryan was quoted saying in a press conference that him and Tom Brady weren't all that different. "Tom's wife is a supermodel. And my wife is a supermodel as well (showing a picture of her in a magazine)". Had Rex had that same press conference this week, he might have said something along the lines of this instead: "Tom and I aren't all that different, ya know? His wife is a famous supermodel. And my wife is a famous foot-fetish YouTube sensation (showing one of her YouTube videos)."

New England at Buffalo
I don't even have to think about these New England picks anymore.

Baltimore at Cleveland
Was it just a few weeks ago we thought Cleveland was good? Now they're making me look bad with back-to-back losses to the Bills and the Bengals. Watch Peyton Hillis bounce back with another three TD performance like he had the last time I played my championship opponent.

Ps. How does giving up Ray Rice, Danny Amendola and Vincent Jackson for Frank Gore and Brent Celek a few weeks ago look on your end? Cause it's looking pretty bad over here? (I'm going for my third championship in six years. Trust me, I had a good plan when I made that trade).

Houston at Denver
Someone inform the Texans that they don't need to give opponents a 21-point head start every week. Broncos are surrendering 186.0 ypg on the ground in their last five games. Let's hope the Texans let Foster run loose.

The big question though. Was Tim Tebow's impressive play last week a sign of what's to come or just the "Law of Gus" making the game more interesting than it was expected to be on paper?

San Diego at Cincinnati *Gus Johnson alert
I'm pretty sure Cincinnati was "Akon-in-this-video" happy after their first win in 10 games last week:

Indianapolis at Oakland
Jacksonville slipped. You can't afford to slip with teams like Indy on your coat tails.

NY Giants at Green Bay
THIS was half of America after the Giants game last week.

I fear it's impossible for that loss not to linger in their psyche. I honestly believe we have the most talent in the NFC. We should be in the Super Bowl. But we're so f'n stupid sometimes that we might not even make the playoffs. This game will decide our fate. I've got faith in the G-men though. Word on the street is, they hired Danny Glover as a consultant for the team this week. I heard they're "going back to fundamentals":

Fundamentals? In the middle of the season? Hopefully it helps them avoid blowing 21-point leads in six minutes.

Seattle at Tampa Bay
I was leaning Seahawks because the Bucs have too many injuries on both sides of the ball. But Seattle is really fading fast, losers of six of their last eight. I'm gonna make a late audible and hope it doesn't backfire on me.

Minnesota at Philadelphia
Brett Favre is becoming the killer you can't kill in those murder movies. You hit him over the head with a lamp (hit him with a "sexting" scandal), he goes down. You take a few moments to hug your friends and rejoice that the worst is over. Then you turn around and his body is gone. Oh my gosh, he's not dead? Where is he? Then Dewie gives you a gun and you shoot him three times in the chest (severely injure his shoulder on a big hit), and he goes down. Rejoice! He's finally dead! Turn around. S**t! He's gone again. Damnit! I was sure we got him that time. What do you mean he was wearing a bullet proof vest? Just shoot him in the head! Shoot him in the head! It's the only way to get rid of him! (Maybe that headshot to the frozen tundra Monday night was the last we'll see of Brett.)

New Orleans at Atlanta
New Orleans is very serious about going to Atlanta to take back the division. So serious, they hired this guy to lead the "take back the NFC South" charge. We're not just gonna go to Atlanta!

Byahhhhhhhh!! I know better than to pick against Atlanta at home though.

Last Week: 10-6
Season: 137-87

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Only Thing (besides church) That Lifted My Spirits On This Aggravating Day...

...was this wildly-entertaining video. It's so funny, yet so uplifting at the same time.

Giant Idiots...

Dear New York Giants,

How in the world? How in the f**king world can you be that pathetic? I've never been more enraged after a sporting event in my life. That was the biggest f**king joke I've ever seen. 31-10 with less than 8 minutes left. 31 to f**king 10. And you know what? I wasn't even convinced we had the game at 31-10. Why? Because this team never ceases to f**king amaze me.

Where did you go wrong in this one?

Mario Manningham: Thanks for swinging the momentum towards the Eagles. Tom Coughlin said it best: "How the f**k did you drop that ball?" What way were you holding it that the ball just up and came right out of your hands while you were standing straight up? How is that f**kin possible?

Kenny Phillips: You haven't been a ball hawk once this year. Anytime you had a chance for a big hit you've taken it. Never once did you take a chance on an the interception when a big hit was right in front of you. I don't know if you got greedy, because you thought the game was over or what, but you killed us. Brent Celek. The guy has maybe 3 catches in the last 7 games, and you handed him an 80 yard TD. All you had to do was drill him. He bobbled the ball. That's an incomplete pass, the Eagles still have 80 yards to go and its 3rd down. Instead you take a chance on an interception, get yourself out of position for the tackle, blow the tackle and let the Eagles cut the lead to 14 in under 20 seconds.

Kick-return team/Coughlin/special teams coach/anyone in the Giants organization: Shame on all of you for being gullible enough to believe the thought of an onside kick never crossed the Eagles mind down 14 with 7 minutes left. You put your hands team out there no matter what in that situation. If they kick it off because your hands team is out there, so what, that's what you're hoping they will do. To give the Eagles a free, uncontested onside kick is a joke.

Giants defense: At least you made up for your coaches dumbass mistake by holding the Eagles offense to a TD in a minute and thirty seconds. An extra minute and 10 seconds longer than the last drive was an impressive stand.

Giants offense: Great run blocking, great pass protection, Gilbride great originality with the play-calling, nice blitz protection. That 3 minute drive really did the job.

Giants defense again: Way to hold 'em. How many times did Vick slip under a sack? 3? 4? 5 times? You know what works better? When you have a clean sack opportunity, just take him out by the legs. He is the most illusive quarterback in the history of the game. Why go low when it's the secret to tackling right? Ross, nice job giving up the edge so the containment scheme could fail and Vick could run for 30 yards on 3rd and long. Overall, good effort guys. It took Philly two minutes to go 89 yards and score. You're improving.

Giants offense again: Manning, suburb accuracy that last drive. I don't know if you have a complex against the Eagles that brings out the worst in you, but it's a joke. I know they sacked you 7 times in your first career start, but you won a Super Bowl since then. Be a f**kin pro.

Oh and last but not least...

Matt Dodge: I spent the 2 minutes leading up to your punt thinking, will Dodge drop the long-snap or will he kick it directly to Jackson. I was right about the latter. But at least you came through with a hang time of 0.4 seconds to give your special teams time to get 3 yards down the field on the coverage. You gave Jackson so much time, he had time to fumble the snap, run back and pick it up and still go untouched on the return for a TD. Only you Dodge, only you. I can't wait to see what you can come up with in the playoffs. Oh that's right. To quote Donald Trump, "You're fired!" on Monday. If not in the next six minutes.

Thank you guys. For allowing me to witness the most pathetic effort of all-time in the fourth quarter of an NFL game.

It's amazing how confident my dad and I were you would lose. We almost gave you too much credit, thinking you'd blow it on the first possession of overtime. But no, we were too experienced of fans. We'd seen this before. We couldn't call ourselves true Giants fans if we didn't already know Dodge and the special teams would f**k it up before the end of regulation.

Thanks for nothing.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The "Why Hasn't ESPN Hired Me As An NFL Analyst Yet?" Week 15 Picks...

San Francisco at San Diego (Thursday Night Football)
*"It's a Trap!" Game of the Week
Here's proof I got my pick in on time for this game:

Pretend I didn't say I almost took San Fran. Someone must have photoshopped that in.

So at 8-6, the Chargers are now a 1/2 game behind Kansas City for the lead in the AFC West. But Kansas City has a fairly easy schedule ahead. It looks like the Chargers may have dug themselves a hole (haha, a hole) too deep to get out of. Here's how Ron Burgundy, a life-long San Diego fan, feels about that:

Cleveland at Cincinnati
I just found out Toonces is a Bengals fan. I guess they have that feline connection. Someone stop him before he does something drastic:

In a way, Toonces plunge was a perfect representation of the 2010 Cincinnati Bengals.

Washington at Dallas

Top 5 people Tashard Choice is likely to ask for their John Hancock after the game:
1) Donovan McNabb - superstar when Choice was a kid (8 years ago)
2) Clinton Portis - a running back he probably modeled his game after
3) Daniel Synder - it takes quite a talent to be that bad as a GM
4) DeAngelo Hall - gotta respect his speed
5) We're cutting this list down to four, because I'm not sure who else plays for the Redskins

Houston at Tennessee
This is so great. Houston needs a win at Tennessee, at Denver, & home against Jacksonville to finish 8-8........again. I thought this was their year. But as I always say, much like Dippin' Dots, their success will be a thing of the future. Hopefully the Texans are more efficient. At 22 years and counting, Dippin' Dots still maintains their mediocre stance in the marketplace. Can you imagine if the Texans were 8-8 for 22 years in a row? I'm starting to think it's possible. On the bright side, if the divisions ever get re-aligned and the Texans wind up in the NFC West. At 8-8, they'd win the division like 18 of those 22 years.

Jacksonville at Indianapolis
This game actually means something? The Jaguars can lock up the division with a win? You kidding me? I have to admit I'm starting to really like the Jags. After all, they were my third favorite team in 5th grade. I named my scooter football team after them. Had a Brunell jersey and everything. (Side note: I was an All-American in scooter football. My career record was 11-1. I won a championship in 4th grade. I lost the championship in 5th grade on a missed game-winning field goal as time expired by about six inches. I missed the field goal. We were down big at halftime, but my inspirational halftime speech, "It's not over until the fat lady sings," helped charge my team for the comeback. And then I let our team down in the closing seconds in front of the whole school. They voted for All-Americans before the Scooter Bowl that year.) Anyways, I'm really impressed by the Jags right now. Do the Jags always give the Colts trouble? Yes. Do I think the Jags can win this division? Yes. But do I think Peyton Manning will let them do it on his watch? No way.

Kansas City at St. Louis
I really hope Matt Cassel plays in this one. I'm pulling hard for a four-way tie in the NFC West in which the Niners take the division at 6-9-1 (This can seriously happen).

Buffalo at Miami
I tried to find something appealing about this game. Here's what I came up with:
Buffalo WR Roscoe "Dash what's up?" Parrish returns to Miami where he went to college at the "U". Sounds like we're in for a real treat. Make sure you keep the volume on your TV "All the Way Turned Up" for this game. (I suddenly wish I was in Panama City right now)

Detroit at Tampa Bay
Drew Stanton leads teams to comeback victories and spoils playoff hopes. It's a fact. Don't believe me? Check his track record:

Drew Stanton's track record:
Dec. 12, 2010: Led the Lions to a come-from-behind 7-3 victory over the Packers and possibly spoiled their playoff hopes.

The evidence is all there. Tampa Bay ran into this one-man-playoff-spoiling crew at the wrong time.

Blackout Thursday's Game of the Week: ARZ @ CAR
(Awarded to the game most likely to be blacked out on television due to lack of fan interest)

Arizona at Carolina - *Upset?? Special (Can we call this an upset?)
Who wants Andrew Luck more? Steve Smith may purposely drop passes if it means getting rid of Jimmy Clausen. But can you really pick a team who's kicker is also their best quarterback and running back? I don't think so.

Breakout fantasy player for the Cardinals this week:
Ben Graham (punter)
Projected Stats: 14 passing yds, 1 TD, 1 INT, 3 carries, 13 yards, 0 TDs, 7 punts, 43.5 net avg., 54 long - 5.8 fantasy points

New Orleans at Baltimore
Really excited to see this match-up. Tells us a lot about where these two teams stand in the upper echelon of pro football right now. The Saints are quietly flying under the radar. This game gets them back on it.

Philadelphia at NY Giants - *Upset Special
I BELIEVE!!!!!!!!!! I BELIEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Hey Michael! People don't forget."

Ps. I enjoyed DeSean Jackson's showboating on the 1 yard line Sunday night. It looked like Deion Sanders, perhaps the greatest showboat of all, was reincarnated on that Dallas turf.

Atlanta at Seattle
I know Seattle rarely loses at home, but they rarely beat any teams that aren't in the AFC or NFC West, and Atlanta might be the most complete team in football.

NY Jets at Pittsburgh *Bonus "It's a trap!" Game of the Week
The New York Jets. "Where Class Happens."

You'd think being surrounded by all these upstanding young gentlemen on the Jets, this guy would know better. But I guess one bad apple in an organization always slips through the cracks.

I like the Steelers in this one. Not as confident with the news that Troy Polamula isn't expected to play. Score one point for the team arguing the Jets have had a lot of luck this year.

Denver at Oakland *Gus Johnson alert
Denver has officially given up. At one point last week Jay Feely alone was beating the Broncos 22-3! The kicker! Jay Feely! He outscored Denver 25-13 for the game! That's how bad Denver is. That bad.

Also, after watching the owner of the Cubs pathetically do the work of his subordinates on Undercover Boss a few weeks ago, I got to thinking - If I could pick one sports owner to partake in Undercover Boss who would I want it to be? This week, it came to me. Al Davis, owner of the Raiders. Can we make this happen? Some people are speculating Al Davis is actually dead right now. Why? Well, the Raiders recently changed their slogan from "Just Win Baby" (Al's saying) to "Just Cut it Loose" (Cable's saying). They've limited the number of times they send their wide receivers on go-routes (the play Al demands to be run at least 20 times a game). And, well, I don't think anyone has seen Al move in six months. It would be so great to see him on Undercover Boss. I would imagine the episode would turn out something like this (with Bernie Lomax representing Al Davis of course):

Green Bay at New England
Matt Flynn vs. Tom Brady. Hmmm. Tough call.

Chicago at Minnesota (at the University of Minnesota)
This one expects to be a zero degree, wintry Monday Night affair. Third string quarterback Joe Webb vs. the 9-4 Bears. It's hard not to take Chicago in this one. I mean they looked so good last week in a snowy, cold, outdoor match-up versus the Patriots. Gotta take the Bears. Not because they're playing an inexperienced, young quarterback from Alabama in extreme winter conditions. But because the Bears were built for these elements. When the temperature drops, you can count on the Bears.

Last Week: 12-4
Season: 127-81

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Winners! Winners! Winners! - My Week 14 Picks...

At 37-11 in my last three weeks, my confidence level is this high right now! THIS HIGH!

If you haven't watched that video you need to go back and watch it. I repeat. If you haven't watched that video you need to go back and watch it. Heck, if you have watched it, go back and watch it again.

Indianapolis at Tennessee (Thursday Night Football)
Peyton Manning has 11 interceptions in his last three games! 11 interceptions! He's thrown 4 TDs in the last two the opposing team! The Colts have lost 3 games in a row. I'm pretty sure the last time that happened I was still learning to read and right write (Okay, bad example). But still, it had to be a decade ago Peyton and the Colts were playing this bad. That's the bad news. The good news. Since leaving the Pats, teams with Randy Moss are now 1-7. Of those teams, the Titans are 0-4 with him. Manning couldn't have picked a better time to stumble into the home state of his alma-mater. I predict next week I write: Since leaving the Pats, teams with Randy Moss are now 1-8. Just a hunch.

Cleveland at Buffalo
Buffalo's biggest mistake last week was injuring Brett Favre. Somewhere Joe Theismann is saying, "You gotta protect the quuuuaaarrrtterrrrBBBBACCCK!" Especially when you're trying to beat the Vikings. Brett would've won the game for Buffalo. They obviously didn't watch any film before last week's game. Or maybe that game was God's way of saying, "Don't question my ways Stevie Johnson! Don't question my ways!"

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh
I know what you're thinking. Pittsburgh solidified themselves as the second best team in the league last week. Cincinnati has lost 9 in a row. You're thinking this is a blowout. But I'm so tempted to make this my upset special of the week. Last year Cincinnati would have came through for me. This year they're saying, "We could come through for you. Or we could just make more commercials and film a reality TV show."

Maybe "Hard Knocks" was the worst thing that could have happened to the Bengals. They liked having their show so much, they became actors first, and football players second.

Ps. Did anyone see Carson Palmer just take the sack to lose the game on Sunday against the Saints? He had no timeouts, there was 2 seconds left on the clock, and all his wide receivers were in single-coverage down field. What did Palmer do? He just stood there and took the sack instead of throwing it up to give his WRs a chance to make a play and win the game. Somewhere Pepper Brooks from Dodgeball is saying, "That's a bold strategy Cotton. Let's see how it works out."

Green Bay at Detroit
Why does it seem like every Lions' game ends in Jim Schwartz going ballistic about a call on the sideline? This team just seems destined to lose every week. Even when they're pretty good, they're still 2-10.

And check out Drew Stanton trying to "Teach Me How to Dougie." Somebody answer his request, and teach him how to dougie!

NY Giants at Minnesota
I've seen the Giants play the Vikings a few times over the years. And every time Eli throws three interceptions to Darren Sharper, two of which are returned for touchdowns. Well, good news - Darren Sharper no longer plays for the Vikings. There has been another constant in this match-up though. We (yes, I play for the Giants) always hold AP to around 43 yards on 20+ carries. But, we also always ruin that by giving up one 40-60 yard TD run for AP. I wish the stats could read Peterson, 20 carries, 43 yards, 0 TD / 1 carry, 59 yards, 1 TD (on one f*** up). But they don't. And Peterson likely will have another 50-yard scamper against us this week. So that's one point for us, one point for the Vikings. But, I do have something that breaks the tie:

We're eternally in Brett Favre's head. If Brett doesn't throw that pick and cost his team a shot at the Super Bowl title, there's a legitimate shot Brett could have (wouldn't cause he didn't have David Tyree) won the Super Bowl that year and retired from the game on top. Instead, the Giants picked him off, the Packers lost, Brett signed with the Jets, sent pictures of his little gunslinger to Jenn Sterger, ended that season on an interception, signed with the Vikings, ended that season on an interception, came back to the Vikings, the pictures surfaced, he lost a lot of games, and right now his status is unknown, but hey, if his season is over, it did end on an interception again. Giants 2, Vikings 1. I'm still a believer G-men.

Tampa Bay at Washington
Tampa Bay lost it's starting center and cornerback this week, and I'm still picking them. Ya know why? Because Washington is paying this guy $100 million:

Atlanta at Carolina
If the Eagles do make the playoffs (and keep in mind I hope they don't), is anyone starting to get really excited for a Falcons-Eagles match-up? I'd say my excitement level is on par with this:

Minus the pills, and the crying, and being scared.

Oakland at Jacksonville
Can this team realistically win the division race against Peyton Manning and the Colts? Yes. Did I pick the Colts to win the Super Bowl in the preseason? Yes. Does that make me want to throw my computer out the window when I read that column? Yes.

Seattle at San Francisco - Upset Special*
Somebody slap me if I'm wrong about this one. San Fran, the least you could do is make me look good picking you one time this season.

St. Louis at New Orleans
Normally we'd be talking about the "Madden Curse" right now, and how it was affecting Drew Brees' play and hurting the Saints as a result. And if you recall, the Saints were 4-3 at one point this year, struggling to compete with a lot of teams. That was until Jets fans reversed the curse on Drew Brees, and brought it upon someone else. We'll get to that in a moment...

Miami at NY Jets
A lot of people are probably expecting me to really lay into the Jets right here. I think they laid into themselves enough on Monday night. I've scoured the Earth looking for the wittiest thing to say about that game, and I've got nothing. The game shocked the wit right out of me.

I can say this though: Ladanian deserves the Jets "Play of the Game." And he's got a celebration to prove it. Quality first down bro. Quality.

One more thing. I think Jets fans got ahead of themselves again. And it cost their team the game on Monday night. The Jets fans I know like to get ahead of themselves on a consistent basis. Heck, the team does too. Case in point: 1) The Jets appear to think they won the Super Bowl last year 2) The Jets appear to think they already won the Super Bowl this year 3) Jets fans appear to feel the same way.

Well, I came across this photo last week:

Jets fans are so concerned with getting ahead of themselves, they already put Rex Ryan on the cover of Madden 2011. Thereby putting the Madden Curse on Rex Ryan and the Jets before this season even ended. They got so ahead of themselves they inadvertently cursed their team before they won the Super Bowl, and likely cost themselves the Super Bowl.

The Jets had no chance on Monday night if you really think about it.

Denver at Arizona
Pick your poison folks. Fact! Interim coaches win their first game this year. Fact!

Ps. Is former Bronco, Mark Schlereth's "'Stinkin' Good Green Chile" the best kept secret at ESPN right now? How was I not aware this existed? How has this not gone viral? Or did I miss this years ago?

Kansas City at San Diego - *Gus Johnson alert
I'm beginning to think the Chargers aren't going to Go! Chargers! Go! to the playoffs. But I do believe they'll string together a nice bounce-back game against the Chiefs. Doesn't mean the Chargers will win the division, because I think the Chiefs probably will. But I do think the Chargers will take this one in San Diego.

New England at Chicago - "It's a Trap!" Game of the Week
Last week, I ignored my "trap" game and took the Chargers to beat the Raiders. Well guess what? The Raiders beat the Chargers...handedly. This week, I'm looking my trap game right in the eye, and I'm still ignoring it's warning sign. This is a bad idea. But it's really hard to think a team playing as well as the Pats could lose right now. I'm going to prematurely accept defeat on this pick. But that won't help my win column. Cause I'm still taking the Pats.

Ps. The Bears dropped a spot in the power rankings after their win last week. If they win the Super Bowl, I'm half convinced they'll be ranked #4 in the final rankings the following week.

Philadelphia at Dallas
I expect DeMarcus Ware to create problems for Vick, but I still see the Eagles squeaking out a win in this one. I need you to win this one Dallas. I need to be wrong about this pick.

Speaking of things that are wrong, here's something that is so wrong it's right:
Roy Williams was quoted saying last week that he's "the most consistent wide receiver on the Cowboys." I laughed out loud when I heard this - thinking he couldn't be any more wrong. But then I got to thinking. You know what Roy? You're absolutely right. Each and every week you usually compile 1-2 catches for 7-16 yards. That is consistency when it all comes down to it. Touche Roy, touche.

In other news about this game, Michael Vick is the leading vote-getter for the Pro-Bowl this year. What are the odds? I wonder how the head of PETA feels about this?

Baltimore at Houston
As many of you may already know, for a long time I've been comparing the Texans to Dippin' Dots. Dippin' Dots has been the ice cream of the future for the last 22 years. The Texans have been the team of the future for the last five. I've always wondered, after 22 years, if the future would ever actually become the present and we'd prefer Dippin' Dots over, oh say, Turkey Hill. And I've always wondered if the Texans, the team of the future, would ever become the team of the present. If the Texans keep their abysmal play up, I'm going to have to pull the Dippin' Dots label off of them and start dubbing them "Space Ice Cream" - the ice cream we know will suck whether it be the past, present or future.

Last Week: 11-5
Season: 115-77