Wednesday, June 15, 2011

This is my nightmare!

It's finally beginning to dawn on me. My NBA nightmare is looming. With two wins, the Miami Heat will represent the Eastern Conference in the NBA Finals. Man, would that suck. But unless the Bulls unexpectedly (and somehow legally) sign me in the next few days, there's nothing I can do to stop that from happening. It's in Chicago's hands. Hands I find less faith in with each passing game.

The Heat have figured out how to contain Rose. Kyle Korver's jump shot has been about as effective for the Bulls as drunken late-night McDonald's meals have been for my diet. Deng's been wildly inconsistent. Boozer might as well be boozing out there. The team just doesn't look impressive by any means.

What's most amazing is that the Bulls looked unbeatable in Game 1. The Heat didn't deserve to be on the same floor with them in the second half of that game. Yet Games 2 and 3 were completely the opposite. Yes, the Bulls kept it tight through three quarters, but it always felt like the Heat were in control. Like Lebron and company had the Bulls right where they wanted them.

In the closing minutes of Game 3, my buddy texted me: "Hunch: Rose is about to explode." My response: "Hunch: Miami is just gonna keep them at bay and win." At no point in the last two games have I felt otherwise.

It's safe to say we all saw this coming. Lebron's "decision" went against all conventional wisdom. We hated him for it. We turned on him. He became the enemy. But why? Because he wasn't fulfilling the prophecy as MJ's successor? The path we wanted for him. He wanted to do things his own way. He questioned the path everyone laid out for him. He saw happiness on a beach with his buddies, championship rings on all fingers. And we chastised him for it. It sounds a little ridiculous if you think about it. If we were in his position, wouldn't we want the same? What sounds better? A life with money and fame, or a life with money, fame and friends to share it with? Every one of you is taking the second option.

Maybe Jordan would have taken the first option, but Lebron's not Jordan. And maybe that's the most important thing to remember. There will never be another Michael Jordan. No way, no how. But that doesn't mean Lebron can't be great in his own way. Maybe Lebron is starting a revolution basketball needs. How many of us loved watching the Spurs and Pistons win championships on grit and fundamentals? These were the "down" years in the NBA. The seasons nobody watched. Lebron, Wade, Durant, and Rose have put life back into the game of basketball. People want to follow it again. They want to root against the enemy, watch the young stars create their own legacies, and see which teams have what it takes to call themselves champions. And I guess we have Lebron to thank for that.

When Lebron first made "The Decision" I was highly disappointed in him. But I understood why. I got where he was coming from. In the past few months, I forgot that. I think it was the way the Heat since handled themselves that led me astray. Throwing a party before they'd even stepped on a court together. Bosh's ego swelling bigger and bigger by the minute. The way they felt victimized by society. I just didn't like the act. And in all reality, I still don't. I was telling my friends earlier, every time I watch Bosh succeed or excessively celebrate, it takes every fiber in my bones not to hurl myself out a window. The guy just rubs me the wrong way. He would be nowhere (on a losing team in Toronto) without Lebron and Wade. Yet he's so cocky and over-the-top about everything.

Regardless, the fact of the matter is, Bosh, Lebron and Wade are six games away from capturing that first title together. It's all just happening so much faster than I expected. And it's a tough pill to swallow.

But with all pills come the hope for a better feeling. Maybe it's an Advil to help the headache go away. An antibiotic to cure your case of strep throat. A Percocet to ease your anxiety. Or maybe it's an NBA championship that helps you realize the legacy you're about to embark on. People didn't like MJ in his prime. As a Knicks fan, I feared the guy. I didn't want to see him become the greatest of all-time. I wanted John Starks and Patrick Ewing to shatter his dreams. It wasn't until after he retired that I truly appreciated him. It wasn't until I forgot the pain he caused me as a young Knicks fan that I began defending him in every "Who's better? MJ or Kobe" argument. And maybe that's the way it will be with Lebron -- twenty years from now when I'm recounting his battles with Carmelo and the Knicks, Durant and the Thunder, Howard and the Lakers (Yeah, I went there Orlando fans), Irving and the Cavs (justtt kidding). Maybe I won't appreciate his game until he's long gone. Maybe none of us will.

Only time will tell. Until then, my position on the Heat will likely never waver. I don't want Lebron or Bosh to a win a championship. I don't want them to have better careers than Anthony, Stoudemire or Paul. I want the championships and glory saved for my favorite team, my favorite players. After all, I'm still a sports fan.

But with that said, I think it's time I come to terms with the fact I can't stop what's about to happen. No matter how much I gripe and groan about Bosh's obnoxiousness or Lebron's arrogance, it's not gonna stop the Heat from winning a title sometime in the near future.

The Heat told us this would happen. We agreed. We tried to talk ourselves out of it. But they're still delivering.

What more can I say?

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Is this the hardest NCAA bracket of all-time?

I gave my bracket a first go Sunday night, and immediately hated it. It may be the worst I’ve ever filled out. I’m talking worse than my first bracket as a freshman in high school. I had Maryland winning it all that year. They won the first round on a buzzer-beating three (how's that for HD quality?), then lost the second round thanks to a Steve Blake missed layup on a wide-open fast break. I still hate him for that. I think I entered the Sweet 16 with 7 teams, had one Final Four team, and came in like 36th out of 38. I finished 34 places behind two hot girls that knew nothing about basketball. And yet I still think my bracket this year might suck even more.

With that being said, in the last two days, I haven’t been able to come up with anything better. I literally haven’t changed a game. I can’t back up any possible change I make.

Coming in, I was all pumped. I already knew my champion. I had my sleepers in mind. Then the committee created the weirdest bracket of all time. They've scattered good teams across bad seeds and bad teams across good seeds. Washington is a 7-seed. Florida is somehow a 2-seed. Texas is a 4-seed. Kentucky, a 4-seed. Then there's the late season injuries to think about. BYU and St. John’s lost key players. Kyrie Irving might come back, he might not. How about sleepers? All of my sleepers are playing each other in the first or second round. I expect some teams to be sleepers, but how am I supposed to know which team is a better sleeper than the other? It’s just not fair. Oh Kansas State could be a Final Four team? Well, Utah State “believes that [they] will win.” I can’t lose a Final Four team in Round 1.

Apparently I’m not the only one struggling with this bracket. I’ve heard people say they thought this was the year of the lower seed. I’ve heard others say they expected all four #1s to advance to the Final Four. My one buddy filled his bracket out for the first time, had San Diego State in the final, and just immediately crumpled it up and threw it out. If I could, I’d crumple up my computer and throw my bracket out as well.

I think this year’s bracket is a testament to the college basketball season overall. No one team really stood out. All the top teams beat each other up. There was a new #1 every week down the stretch. There just hasn’t been a clear-cut favorite.

Which makes my life filling out this bracket pretty miserable. As I’m sure it is for most. With that being said, I will still invest $20 in a pool, with the hope that maybe once, I’ll come home victorious. If not, at least the games will be that much more exciting along the road.

No matter how good I feel about my bracket coming in, I know it’s inevitable that when I tune into the first three games on Thursday, I’ll be losing two of them miserably, and barely hanging on to a lead in the other one.

It wouldn’t be March if there wasn’t any madness involved.

Monday, February 7, 2011

A Champion is Crowned...

First Place: Game-Changer

Second Place: Rone

Third Place: Homeless Bill

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Playoff Pickoff's Super Finish...

Well, the moment we've all been waiting for is finally upon us. We're just one game away from crowning the first (and possibly only) ever Talbot Talks Sports Playoff Pickoff Champion. The Super Bowl pick is worth four points. Most points wins. The tiebreaker is overall record. If we need it, whoever comes closest to predicting the final score will be the next tiebreaker. May the best man, woman or cat win.

Since this will be my last post for a while, I've decided to enlighten you with just my pick.

This pick's got me tossing and turning. One day I'm sure it's the Packers. The next day it's gotta be the Steelers. When asked if he'd bet on this game, Phil Simms replied, "Yeah, I'd bet a hamburger on it, and that's about it." The thing is Phil, we are betting a hamburger on it. And not just any plain old hamburger. We've got a Wendy's double-stack. Things got two patties! So this is a pretty big decision. One I don't want to get wrong.

In this whole process I've only consistently bet on one team, the Steelers, and they've won every time. They seem like such a safe bet though. And they're not the fun team to watch. Two years ago, when Larry Fitzgerald put on a show for the ages against the Steelers in the Super Bowl, I was rooting for the Steelers. Why? Because my roommate was dumb enough to bet me $20 straight-up that the Cardinals would win.

The Cardinals were the young, high-octane, exciting team. Fitzgerald and Warner put together one of the most memorable and exciting halves of football I have ever seen. And while the entire room was jubilant, watching the Cardinals pull off potential history, I was forced to view the situation as me losing 20 bucks. For a college guy that was a lot. Ten beers at Hula's with a bracelet, 20 beers from "Sweaterman" at Toads, 2,000 beers at Aunchies during "penny drafts". That's just a lot to give up for a great Super Bowl upset.

Anyways, I won my $20 thanks to Santonio Holmes (a man I now hate), who caught the game-winning TD with seconds remaining.

(I was actually pissed he caught it. A Pitt field goal would have sent the game into OT at 23-23. In the "boxes" game I had Cardinals 6, Steelers 3. If the Cardinals won it in OT on a field goal, I would have won $175 (-20 to my friend) = $155. If the Steelers won, I still win $20. Would've been a nice situation. I guess I should've known the boxes weren't meant to be when the Cards had the ball, first and goal on the 1, with 20 seconds left in the first half down 10-7. I had Cards 4, Pitt 0. The Cards literally had no running game. They failed to move the ball one yard on first or second down, then threw a 100 yard interception returned for a TD to James Harrison. One yard would have landed me $75. I will never win in the boxes game).

Moral of the story. A lot of things went wrong for me that Sunday. Sure I won $20, but it could've been a lot more, and I could have had a lot more fun. On Fitzgerald's go-ahead touchdown I remember thinking, "Wow, I'm gonna lose 20 bucks." When I should have been thinking, "Wow this unbelievable." All because I picked the grind-it-out, hard-nosed, win ugly, we've been there before Steelers. I think I'd much prefer the thrill of seeing the young, exciting, underdog win (even though the Packers are favored by 2.5 - Why? I have no idea).

But with all this being said, we're playing for pride here. I need to go with who I honestly believe will win. I may root for the Packers (cut to Toph shaking his head disapprovingly), but that doesn't mean I'm going to pick them. I need to put myself in the best position to walk away with the pride, the double-stack, or at least some dignity over my girlfriend and little sister.

So here's what I believe. Aaron Rodgers has to play absolutely perfect for the Packers to win. I'm talking no mistakes. The reason being, I don't think the Packers can run the ball on this Steeler front seven. It's the best in the game. Starks has been inconsistent from week to week, but this Steelers defense has never faulted against the run. Their secondary is vulnerable though. Which is why, for the Packers, the game rests in Rodgers' hands. He's going to have to be almost flawless.

A lot of critics would counter saying that the Packers defense is really good, and they'll take pressure off of Rodgers. I choose to disagree. They say games are won in the trenches. Or at least, that's what retired offensive and defensive linemen say, so I'll take their word for it. The Packers defensive ends and linebackers are undersized, but they rely on their speed and quickness to beat linemen off the edge and set up bull-rushes when the linemen over-commit to the edge. Clay Matthews especially excels at this. Offensive linemen have to respect his speed to the outside. When they over-commit and fall off balance, Matthews can effectively bull-rush his way to the quarterback. It's been his most effective move all year. But this week, he'll be lined up against Flozell Adams. Flozell Adams is a BIG man. A very BIG man. He may have lost a step, but his size allows him to over-commit to the outside, because let's face it, Matthews isn't getting anywhere on him with the bull-rush. This creates problems for Green Bay. It's hard enough to take Roethlisberger down, but when you can't get any pressure on him, he's likely to pick apart the Packers with multiple tight-end sets that create mismatches in their secondary. The real problem for the Packers lies in the rush defense though. Without pressure in the backfield from the Packers undersized line, Mendenhall will run free. Pittsburgh can control the game and keep Rodgers off the field.

So the real question is: Will Rodgers play perfect (which he's capable of doing), be the hero, and single-handedly carry the Packers to a Super Bowl championship in a shootout, or will he make mistakes and be the goat? It's really tough to bet against Rodgers in the playoffs right now, and it's even tougher to bet against the idea that this will absolutely crush Brett Favre.

But when in doubt, it's probably better to take the points (even though we're not betting on the spread) and the team with experience.

So I'll take the Steelers.

Image taken from Google Images

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

AFC/NFC Championship Picks...

The stakes have changed this week. Since there are only two games, each correct pick counts as two points as opposed to one. It No one is out of the game just yet. Except for maybe JT. I think she can still qualify for the double stack though. If that's the case, one could argue she's positioned herself right where she wants to be in this competition.

This week, we're going to take you through the mind's of the world's greatest game-pickers, as they explain why the Bears, Packers, Jets or Steelers will be playing come Super Bowl Sunday. This should be interesting.


Being the first place contender, I thought I would be pumped, but I'm really just pissed since it's only for pride. I lied about liking the Lion King. I wish Rafeiki just dropped Simba at the beginning and ended it.

Jets 27 - Steelers 21

Reason: 95% bias, 5% Revis Island

Packers 31 - Bears 28

Reason: I literally just flipped a coin to choose this game. Don't tell anyone my secrets. Pride rock sucks is awesome (Editor’s correction).

The CEO:

Packers 16 - Bears 20

Why am I taking the Bears? Is it because I was such a huge fan of Laguna Beach in high school? Is it because my best friend is a life-long Bears fan? Is it because I truly believe they’re going to win this game?

The answer: Yes, yes and yes. Did I really love Laguna Beach? You’re damn right I did. Kristin, LC, Lo, Talan, "Steeee!vennn", and Trey were basically my Thursday night crew in high school. I watched that show every week. Is it because I loved the drama? Yes. Is it because there was something endearing about Lo? Weirdly, yes. Is it mostly because I loved Kristin and her propensity to tan pool-side in mini bikinis? Yes, yes and a thousand times yes. And ya know what? I bet Jay Cutler dug that too. He may not show emotion, drive, or a care in the world, but there’s no doubt in my mind, the man enjoyed Laguna Beach.

Cavallari has become to Cutler, what Kate Hudson was to A-Rod. Since her arrival, Cutler has been tearing it up. His interceptions have dropped, his TDs have risen, and he’s playing like the guy Mel Kiper gushed about coming out of Vanderbilt. Attractive girlfriends win guys sporting events. How do you think I won five intramural championships? A smokin’ hot, awesome girlfriend – that’s how.

Another reason I’m taking the Bears? My best friend, a life-long Bears fan, just spent $800 to fly to Chicago and freeze his ass off for four hours to see his Bears win the NFC Championship. He wouldn’t do that unless he believed Chicago could win this game. Nobody knows the Bears like this guy. He can name their offensive line. I didn’t even know the Bears had an offensive line. Cutler’s usually being ransacked before he finishes his five-step-drop. If Toph believes this team can win, then he’s made a believer out of me.

Further reasoning:

  • The Packers offense became unstoppable when they found their run game with Jason Starks.
  • The Bears will shut Starks down with one of the best rush defenses in the NFL.
  • Rodgers has never scored more than 21 points on the Bears.
  • In Week 17, in a must-win game for the Packers that lacked meaning for the Bears (at Green Bay), the Packers only beat them 10-3.
  • Chicago already beat Green Bay at home on national television.
  • The wind will be swirling.
  • Hester will keep the Bears in control of field possession.

I think Chicago grinds out an old school victory. According to history, the last time these two teams met in the playoffs? Dec. 14, 1951. The Bears won that game. They say history has a tendency to repeat itself.

Jets 16 - Steelers 24

Because they're not the Jets.

Also: Best rush defense versus a team that needs to run the ball effectively to stay in the game. Troy Polamalu is back. Heath Miller is back. Pittsburgh has been here before (two Super Bowl titles in the last five years). The Steelers have more offensive weapons. I respect what the Jets have done (with the exception of being huge d-bags). But I respect this Steelers team too much to pick against them. It’s just not a great match-up for the Jets. (You're welcome Rincon.)


Jets 13 - Steelers 24

Alright so this week I'm gonna keep it simple for ya. I talked to God last night on the phone, we catch up every once and while, and he told me to pick the Steelers, because they're gonna win 24-13. I also like the Steelers because of their player, Palmolive, because it sounds like the dish soap that smells really good. Obviously, I"m not going against God too.. so there's pick #1.

Packers 24 - Bears 21

As for pick #2, I've decided to go with the Packers winning 24-21 for various reasons. One, I really enjoy myself a slice of cheese. Two, I like the color yellow as shown by my Steelers & Packers picks. It's a very spring-y color. Lastly, Packers rhymes with stackers and naturally I'd love to win that double stack. Now, I hope Christoph is still reading this because I have something important to say. In a recent study scientists have found there is a correlation between who I pick, and the team that loses. It's basically a fact now, whoever I pick is going to lose. So do not fret young Christoph and do not fret America, the Bears will win because I picked the Packers. Really, I'm doing you all a favor. If you were smart this year you would've picked against me every week (as most of you did). If by some miracle the Packers win & I actually get one right then HAHAHAHA to you all. Just kidding, just kidding.. but seriously, the teams I picked this week are going to lose.

Charlie the Cat:

He's a cat. He has nothing to say here. Nor any score predictions.


Packers 27 - Bears 17

Bears may have kept the Packers offense to only 10 points in their last game against each other, but the way the Packers handled the Falcons was impressive. Also, Ive been picking the Pack all playoffs and they represent 2 of my 3 wins...why change whats been working for you? Jets suck.

Jets 10 - Steelers 17

Jets got lucky earlier in the season with a game-opening TD kick return by Brad Smith. I don't know if he will play or not, but if he doesnt that is a huge blow to their offense. Moreover, Troy Polamalu did not play that game and we all know the difference he can make when on the field.

Lastly, I expect this to be a low scoring dog fight. The Steelers are going to get pressure on Sanchez, something the Pats were not able to do, AND THEY CAN STOP THE RUN. I envision the Jets offense really struggling this week. Jets suck.


I didn't pick my picks... my picks picked me.

Jets 10 – Steelers 17

So I sat back and thought about the big picture... who would rather end up with me? The fight for me between Ben and Sanchez is simple, Mexican just ain't my style. I'm on the younger side, vulnerable at times, and low profile - perfect profile for Ben's prime pickin's.

Packers 21 – Bears 17

Cutler and Rodgers were just relentless though. Back and forth, back and forth. Cutler is so snuggly and sensitive. But Rodgers just kept throwin' cheese at me and well ... he knows how to get to a woman's heart. Those little yellow triangles of heaven just melted my heart and I knew, Rodgers was the way to go.

P.s. Bob, can I borrow your boom box?

(The Editor would like to add that Roethlisberger assaults young girls, Rodgers is a d-bag, and no you can't borrow my boom box because Erin is borrowing it.)

Homeless Bill:

I'm taking the Steelers, because being homeless, I have to "steal" the occasional food or blanket.

And I'm taking the Packers, because I went to high school with Aaron Rodgers. We kind of took different paths in life after that.


Packers 21 - Bears 24

Jets 20 - Steelers 27

The other day, I noticed one of Bob's "Can't Spell Liquor Without QU" bro's clamoring via a Facebook status fight for more in depth analysis/justification as to why he makes his football predictions. As a silent revolt to said unnamed friend, I have decided to take it upon myself to not write anything that even slightly resembles an intelligent, factual justification of my picks.

Anyone that knows anything about anything and anyone that knows two things about me: I LOVE the Bears and I HATE the Jets. I don't know what it is. Oh wait, yes I do. It's the fact that I grew up in New Jersey as a misplaced Bears fan, misguided 20 years ago by my father's ignorance. Growing up as a Bears fan in the NY area was hard enough. Watching kids my own age sport jerseys of easily one of the most boring players to ever play the game, double elbow pad wearing Curtis Martin, to now supporting the only Mexican in the NFL hurts me. There is only one Mexican athlete I will ever support and that is Eduardo Najera, based on the fact that he was my unbreakable computer password from 1999-2007. Couple these issues with the fact that emotional leader Fireman Ed is nationally ranked the 22nd biggest douche in the U.S. (sandwiched between Spencer Pratt and that pale dude from Twilight) and is solely responsible for the worst chant in sports, and you have to ask, what do you like about the Jets?

I hate Rex Ryan and his stomach stapling...and the fact that he's still retardedly fat. I could go on with things I hate about them for weeks, but let's just be clear on one thing, this is my lock of the playoffs. You DO NOT go into the big Ketchup bottle and beat the Steelers twice in under a month. Ben Roethlisberger sexually assualts multiple chicks in shorter periods of time. Sorry Jets fans. It's been a good run, but Troy Polamalu's back from his Head and Shoulders commercial shoot and he's ready to roll. Hope Sanchez is wearing head protection, perhaps an Under Armour skull cap, because the dude is about to get mindf***ed.

On the NFC side, this is a personal no brainer. I spent roughly half of my life savings, $1.26 million, to go to the Bears game this Sunday. So obviously you know who I'm going to pick. This will be my first trip to Soldier Field and will probably be my last if the Bears lose. Because I will literally contemplate letting a live bear rip my heart out as Wisconsin hicks happily cheer and simultaneously grow their hair to their buttocks to emulate their greasy state heroes. Either way, here's to Kid Cutty not making stupid decisions and Devin Hester returning kicks for touchdowns. When the Bears multimedia director plays "Soulja Boy" before punt returns, Hester houses it at least 57% of the time. As long as that statistic rings true, Aaron Rodgers can choke on a big D while the Bears head to Big D.

Super Bowl (Random Roman Numeral that I don't feel like Googling): The Chicago Bears vs The Pittsburgh Steelers


Packers 24 - Bears 17

I am convinced that Aaron Rodgers can do anything he wants on the football field. Scratch that, I think Rodgers can do anything he wants period. He is an absolute unstoppable force. A religion needs to be formed in his honor, and maybe I’m the one to do it. I think we learned last week (myself the hard way) that playing a division rival in the playoffs is always tough, and this will be no different. Green Bay is just better on both sides of the ball and nobody is playing as well as they are right now (Side note: I have picked GB to score 24 points in their first two playoff games and I’m scared to change things now because it’s definitely my predictions that have been fueling their victories).

Jets 17 - Steelers 20

To be 100% honest, I’m probably not going to watch this game at all. Most likely I’ll use that time to get drunk and then be all emotional about how the Pats aren’t playing in it. Or maybe watch a Kate Beckinsale flick if there’s one on. She’s a babe. Anyways, someone’s gotta get torched by Rodgers in the Super Bowl, right? These teams are pretty evenly matched, but Pittsburgh has the home field and Roethlisberger is deadly out of the pocket, so pressure won’t be as big an impact for the Jets.


Packers 17 - Bears 30

Jets 10 - Steelers 24

If the Super Bowl is any other matchup than this, then we let the terrorists win. Plain and simple, we have failed as a country if the Jets and Packers play each other in the Super Bowl. The world already hates American football, and I might as well if that is the matchup. Derka Derka, Muhammad Jihad.

Images taken from Google Images

The Easiest Way To Make A Million Dollars?

So apparently, the best way to make a million dollars these days, is to just ask for it. As I continue to collect quarters I find in lockers at the gym and twenty dollar bills I find in old Christmas and birthday cards laying around my room, this kid's just asking for a million bucks on YouTube.

Oh, and...he's getting it.

What sucks the most is (and my friend Joe can attest to this), I was contemplating doing something like this a few weeks ago. I've been trying to save up for a hopeful trip to Vegas for the last month or so. In fact, I accumulated $756 in a matter of days, without really doing much of anything. Yet here this kid is making my efforts look like a joke.

I caught wind of this MillionDollarHomePage the other day, and thought, wouldn't it be something if I could pull this stunt off? I heard another story about a guy that started with a paper clip, which he traded for another item and another and another, until he eventually traded something for a million dollars. If those guys could do it, why can't I?

Well now this kid's gone and ruined everything for me. No one's gonna give me a million dollars if I ask for it on the internet now. They're gonna say, "That's been done before buddy. We've heard that act before." And it's all this guy's fault.

I hate you Craig Rowan. But damnit, I respect you.

Looks like I'm gonna have to go back to the drawing board.

With that being said, if anyone wants to send me money, I'll except donations in cash or check. You don't have to be a millionaire. Seriously, I'll take six bucks. My job doesn't start until September.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Soooo...this guy's pretty good at whiffleball.

Back when I was 11, I learned how to throw a "riser" with a whiffleball. At that time, I was fairly confident I was the "Randy Johnson" of whiffleball. People my age didn't even know what fast-pitch whiffleball was at that point. But if they did, I'm pretty sure I would have been disqualified from playing at recess. It just wouldn't have been fair.

This guy makes me look like the Boone Logan of whiffleball. I'm embarrassed to ever believe I was a half-decent whiffleball pitcher.

My whiffleball pitching skills owe this guy's whiffleball pitching skills 20 bucks.