Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Week 4 Picks...

After a brilliant start, my picks took a blow in Week 2. Sometimes you just need a reality check. I think the pick gods were afraid I might drive Vegas to bankruptcy, so the only solution was a 7-9 week for me. Last week, I flipped that score to go 9-7. I'm ready to get back into double digits though. Seriously, I just plan on dominating this week.

But before we get to my picks. There are some things I need to discuss.

1) Are the Kansas City Chiefs seriously 3-0 right now?
Great googely moogely they're a surprise. Chargers, Browns, Niners. Four weeks ago, I'm thinking, "Boy three weeks from now the Chiefs are going to be 1-2" (this is a hypothetical situation, because I never think about the Chiefs). Now I'm trying to gather whether or not this team is for real. The 3-0 record they boast looks mighty fine in the AFC West right now. They've already got a 2-game lead on everybody. Let's not forget though, the Denver Broncos were 6-0 last year and didn't make the playoffs in that division. Now, I slotted the Chiefs at 5-11 in my preseason picks this year, so I'm going to need them to go on a 2-11 snide right now. With crazy, drunken fans like these, and if there are any monsoons in the forecast, I don't see them falling apart that badly. I'm just gonna consider this one a minor glitch in my near perfect 2010 predictions. Also, before you say the Chiefs are for real, you gotta ask yourself - "Can the Chiefs really hold this team off?":

2) Did anyone see this McClain hit two weeks ago?

Wow! Enough said.

3) And while we're on the subject of "Did anyone see this", did anyone see this referee last week?

Was this guy struggling or what? He looks like he's trying to tell the ruling on the field to Adriana Lima or something.

4) Braylon Edwards is a true role model.
Let's get the facts straight. Braylon Edwards got a DWI early, last Tuesday morning for blowing a .16 on the Breathalyzer. He was driving two teammates. He admitted to having drinks. And he's lucky he didn't get anyone killed. Oh wait. There's more. He's also been caught going 120 mph on the open road. He beat the s#!% out of a 130 lb. man in Lebron's entourage without any real cause. He partied with Donte Stallworth the night Stallworth killed a person while driving drunk. He's a notorious trouble-maker. And I had to listen to countless Jets fans call in on the radio and defend this guy???? I mean really? Not only does this defend the age-old saying that "Most Jets fans are d-bags" (not a real saying, but it could be, ya never know), but it just goes to show how ignorant and stupid people in this society can really be. My favorite argument of the week, from a Jets fan: "Everybody drinks and drives, Braylon should be allowed to!" Convincing point buddy.

What really makes me mad, is the almost equally-disappointing crime that came out of this whole story. That crime being that the Jets thought they could pull a fast-one on society, just because they know the league wouldn't do anything about the incident before the Dolphins game. "Oh there's nothing we can do about it, we have to play Braylon." No you don't. The coach has every right to sit whoever he wants. One quarter versus the Dolphins? That's so pathetic. You're condoning a guy who's BAC was .16, when his good buddy killed a man (the night he partied with Braylon), with a BAC of .12. What does it take for a guy to learn a lesson? According to the Jets, not starting, but still playing against the Dolphins. One quarter? Which probably only came as a result of all the media attention they were getting. I wouldn't have been surprised if Rex put him out there on the second play of the game. What did Braylon learn? Better yet, what did the team learn? Rules don't matter if you can catch the football.

Then Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum has the gall to say, "I'm not sitting him because of the drinking, I'm sitting him because he was out so late." Oh really Mike? So how come you didn't sit D'Brickashaw or the other Jets player in the car? Were they not out partying with Braylon until 5:15 in the morning? The whole organization is a joke. Hard Knocks did nothing, but inflate their bad boy egos and attitudes. Who cares about what's right and wrong as long as you're winning?You're seriously going to complain about SpyGate when Mangini was caught doing the same thing and you run the organization the way you do now? It doesn't surprise it's run this poorly either. Woody Johnson doesn't know a thing about running an organization. His stake in Johnson & Johnson was all inherited. Then there's Tannenbaum who once said, "We [the Jets] only want people with character on our team." All of a sudden rumors swirl that Tannenbaum's job is on the line and he completely loses his morals, buying into Rex Ryan's controversial style as long as it means "W's" and he gets to keep his job. The Jets and the fans that defend their actions make me sick.

Oh, and thankfully, Edwards showed us just how much he learned when a 67-yard TD that was handed to him by a fallen defender ended in Braylon doing "the Dougie" - the same celebration that got him a taunting penalty the week before. The kid is just class in a football uniform.

I decided to put that portion of the article in the middle, so I could still have time to lighten the mood before you finished reading this.

5) San Francisco, you're making me look like a rah-tard.
I have you winning you're division handedly and advancing to the second round of the playoffs! I picked you every week in my picks and I'm picking you again this week! You're trailing the Rams and the Cardinals (who don't have a real quarterback I might add)! I'll forgive you for Seattle, even though you got routed by them and the Chiefs. What gives? My readers are laughing at me. And it's your fault.

And the Giants!

6) Remind me again why I'm Giants fan?

Is it because they lead the league in personal fouls? No. Is it because Eli has six interceptions this year, five of which are off dropped passes by wide-open receivers? No. Is it because Perry Fewell ran a defensive scheme with one real linebacker and two safeties playing linebacker against the Colts for three quarters in a row unsuccessfully, without ever feeling the need to change things up? No. Is it because Kevin Gilbride is the worst and most predictable offensive coordinator in the NFL? No. Excuse me, while I go run into oncoming traffic.

What are the odds that suburban road was empty at 1:00am? Well, I'm back.

7) Why is Mark Sanchez playing well?

Hold on. I'm going to give the oncoming traffic thing another shot.


8) Is giving my row free hot dogs during a Giants game, one of the two times I haven't sat in my seat while attending the game some sort of sick joke?
You know what that means? My Aunt Nancy said it best. "Now they don't have to give our row anything for another 75 years." A hot dog totally would have hit the spot at that juncture of the game. Right before the Giants rallied for 4 personal fouls, 19 unanswered points, a few turnovers and a safety. Man I coulda used that hot dog. I paid thousands of dollars for my PSL and I miss my free hot dog?! Damnit world! How are you gonna do this to me at a time Mark Sanchez is playing well?! Damn you! (Does this make me sound fat or cheap? Both? You're probably right. Just a big fan of free stuff, that's all).

9) Are the Bears for real or did they kind of beat the Lions and the Packers had 468 penalties against them Monday night?
Sorry, BachTalk, I'm not buying it yet. You said it yourself, "They didn't deserve to win that game." But something can be said for luck in the NFL. Great teams catch luck along the way. They find a way to win it in the end, even when it's not pretty. The Bears caught their luck early. The "Calvin-rule" and the "fumble-that-somehow-avoided the sideline"/"468-penalties-the-other-way" are the difference between the Bears being 3-0 right now and 1-2. The
one thing they've got going for them? Their next two games are against my Giants and the Panthers. 5-0 is a must for them. I think it would certainly mean a potential trip to the playoffs, but they're still definitely not Super Bowl contenders in my mind. I'm going to the game with BachTalk on Sunday. My only hope is the Bears are so cocky after that win that they forget to prepare for the Giants. Then again, a Pop Warner team could probably forget to prepare and beat the Giants right now. Okay, so let's change that to my only hope is the Bears are so cocky and enamored by their win on Monday versus the Packers that they forget to show up on Sunday against the Giants. Yeah, that works better.

10) How many more times are we gonna say Dallas is the most talented team in football before we realize they've won one playoff game in 13 years?
My guess is never. My favorite analyst quote from the weekend: "Dallas hops back on the train towards the Super Bowl." Really?? A team in a must-win situation. A "Wade-Phillips-has-to-win-or-he'll-be-fired" (Version 7.0) situation, defeats a Texan team riding a little too high with one of the league's worst secondaries statistically, and all of a sudden they're back on the road to the Super Bowl. They've seriously been on the road to the Super Bowl for the last six years. At what point does unused talent become maybe there wasn't talent there after all? I say 16 more years. Analysts love the Cowboys so much, I think it'll take that long to notice.

11) Al Davis is undoubtedly the most peculiar man in the world.
I saw the beginning of an Al Davis special on ESPN Classic today. Learned a few things. 1) Al Davis firmly believes death can be beaten. Which he's proven to this day - seeing as, at 124, he's still alive. The solution - don't take care of your skin and either dress like Elvis or wear a jumpsuit everyday. 2) Al Davis is Jewish. 3) Al Davis was and is captivated by and admires Adolf Hitler. To recap - Al thinks death can be beaten, he's Jewish, and he admires Hitler. You can't make this stuff up. (Except for the skin care and the Elvis/jumpsuit thing. I made that part up).

My picks are embedded in the column as always. Give Vegas a call. I'm running the table this week. I'd recommend parlaying every game together and just using all of my picks straight-up.

Should be like a 40,000-1 payout or something.

Last Week: 9-7
Season: 27-21


Christoph "BachTalk" Schoenbeck said...

I see you wised up and finally put those Chicago Bears in bold in your fancy little ClipArt picture insert. @BachTalk would like to commend you on that fact. After which he'd like to apologize in advance for the daddy that Sausage and PEPPERS is going to lay on Eli.

PS, I put 40 dollars on your parlay. The payout is approximately 64,200 dollars.

BlogLikeMyJobBob said...

Yeah, I finally caved. If anything you should be worried though. I've picked against them three times and they're 3-0. Not gonna lie, I wouldn't be mad about picking the wrong team in their match-up again, cause they're playing the New York Football Giants - my team.

Ps. If you do win $64,200 - which you will b/c you used all my picks in a parlay and they're all right - I'd like a $20 commission fee please.

Maxim said...

WOW that fling the guy in the ground thing was AWSOME

BlogLikeMyJobBob said...

Yeah, just a ridiculous tackle. The ref should have waived the penalty out of respect.