Football Preview...

Alright so if everyone else gets to try the impossible, I figure, why can't I? I've said it once and I'll say it a thousand times. Football is the most unpredictable sport. One ACL tear, one suspension or one conviction for shooting yourself in the leg, and a season is changed. There's just no telling which wrong cut or tackle is going to sideline a key player for a season and crumble the Super Bowl hopes of a team. There's also no telling which breakout star will change the game, which defense will come together under their coach's system, or what lucky break will go a team's way. That's right. It's all unpredictable. Injuries mean too much in a 16 game season, and football leads all sports in injuries (Don't quote me on that, but come on, everyone leaves that game with long-term injuries). Why else do we have 50 rules in place to protect the quarterback. I know Joe Theisman and Ron Jaworski, "You gotttttaaaa proootect the quuuuarrrttterrrbacccck". But why? Because the players in this game are so susceptible to injuries! Translation: Season-changing injuries can occur at any time. See: Brady, Tom/Burress, Plaxico/Sanders, Bob/Green, Trent (Oh no wait, that last one brought Kurt Warner to the helm and led to a St. Louis Super Bowl title). But even still, that changed the season. The same can be said for Drew Bledsoe's season-ending injury years ago. That gave way to Tom Brady's rise to prominence. Do we even know who Tom Brady is without that season-changing injury? No, we don't. I think what I'm trying to say is that it's impossible to predict the NFL. The only thing certain in the NFL is that the Lions will use their first round pick to draft a top wide-out each year. That's seriously the only thing.

So, with all that being said, I'm gonna try to predict the NFL anyways. I could thoroughly research each team, their schedule, injury reports, potential outbreak stars, how religious the player's on each team are, the farmer's almanac for anticipated weather reports each Sunday this Fall, but I'm not gonna do that. I'm strictly going gut, instinct, and Talbot Talks Sports intellect on these predictions.

So without further adieu, my 95% fairly confident predictions as to how this NFL season will play out with limited research (and yes, I know this will be mis-proven before the clock strikes midnight tomorrow, but I don't care). Don't forget to check out my weekly picks on the side as well. I get all my picks right 54% of the time, eeeevery time.

AFC East

New England Patriots (11-5)

New York Jets (9-7)

Miami Dolphins (8-8)

Buffalo Bills (2-14)

There's always Jake Locker Bills fans. The Patriots are old, yes, but they just get the job done year in and year out in the AFC East. Jets fans, I know I'm so biased it's not even fair, but I took Hard Knocks seriously this year, and I came up with an honest opinion on the New York Jets. So here goes. 1) You're defense is the Miami Heat of defenses. Not your team Antonio Cromartie, but on paper your defense is for sure. Now get back to remembering the names of your kids before you rebuttal with an unnecessary comment. 2) I can't tell if you're cocky or confident. I know you guys truly believe you can win the Super Bowl, but you walk around as if you actually won the Super Bowl last year. As if the whole league fears you. Newsflash guys: You don't make the playoffs if the Colts don't sit their starters against you. You were 9-7 last year. You had two nice playoff wins (against the Bengals who were fading faster than Rex Ryan in a race against Usain Bolt and the Chargers, who literally have a complex that prevents them from ever winning an important playoff game), then got beat handedly by the Colts 30-17 in the AFC Championship Game. Losing by 13 after being handed a playoff spot, a cake walk through Wild Card Weekend and an unproven playoff Chargers team isn't winning the Super Bowl. Stop acting like you won it all last year. And 3) When I look at Mark Sanchez on Hard Knocks, I don't see a leader. I see a little kid that doesn't want to read his playbook just like he didn't want to finish his broccoli. And that's not a good thing. Everyone's saying watch out for the second year slump. Hey people!!! Sanchez threw for 2444 yards, 12 TDs and 20 INTs last season!!! What is a second year slump going to look like?! If you want to win a Super Bowl, stop changing your coach's desktop background to ponies, shooting bball on a mini hoop in the coaches room, whining about your mistakes on the sideline, and work on getting better at being a leader and a quarterback! You haven't proven Pete Carroll wrong yet. That's why you're no better than 9-7. Not unless Mark Sanchez changes his attitude.

I promise this is the only division I will talk that much about.

AFC North

Baltimore (12-4)

Pittsburgh (10-6)

Cincinnati (9-7)

Cleveland (4-12)

I think Baltimore is for real. It's weird how teams are going to fear their offense this season and that they are shaky on defense. Never thought I'd see that day. For Pittsburgh, I love Dennis Dixon and I think Big Ben will try to use some good play on the field to shield his troubles off the field. With Polamalu back, I think they're much improved this season. They have to be a contender. After all, they won the Super Bowl two years ago. Cincinnati: I'm loving their defense (gotta love Mike Zimmer), I'm loving their personalities, and most of all, I'm loving their coach's motivational speeches. I think they're still kind of for real.

AFC South

Indianapolis (12-4)

Houston (10-6)

Tennessee (9-7)

Jacksonville (6-10)

It's time Houston!!! This is your time!!! Keep throwing to Andre!!! Make me proud!!! They're the team I look forward to watching the most this season. Last year I said they were the Dip n' Dots of football. Dip n' Dots has been the ice cream of the future for 22 years (seriously I looked it up). 22 years!! When does the future become the present and we like Dip n' Dots more than regular ice cream? When do the Texans stop being the team of the future and start to become the team of the present? I think that transition starts right now.

AFC West

San Diego Chargers (11-5)

Denver Broncos (7-9)

Kansas City Chiefs (5-11)

Oakland Raiders (4-12)

Al Davis is here to win titles, and throw deep. This year I expect him to reign as the defending champion for most times calling down to the field and requesting the Raiders to throw it deep. Good news Al! Campbell connects on about 14 more of those than Jamarcus Russell did last year. And he misses his wide receivers by 20 yards 95 fewer times. Is anyone in the world picking against the Chargers?

NFC East

Dallas Cowboys (11-5)

New York Giants (10-6)

Washington Redskins (8-8)

Philadelphia Eagles (7-9)

How do you like that Philly? McNabb is laughing somewhere right now.

NFC North

Green Bay Packers (12-4)

Minnesota Vikings (10-6)

Chicago Bears (8-8)

Detroit Lions (4-12)

Considering Favre has nothing more to show for himself in the last two years than Rodgers does, and since Favre's departure Rodgers has quickly established himself as one of the best quarterbacks in football (and the best fantasy player I might add), I think it's safe to say the Green Bay execs made the right decision moving on to Rodgers. I got a hunch they're going to really like that decision this year.

NFC South

New Orleans (12-4)

Atlanta Falcons (10-6)

Carolina Panthers (9-7)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-13)

Great division race this year. Let's see how quickly the Panthers search for flaws in Matt Moore so they can start the Jimmy Clausen regime. Newsflash Panther fans: You're not gonna find many flaws in Moore. He's the real deal. Realize it. It'll be a shame if they rush him out of the starting job for no reason because Clausen is new and exciting. This isn't a relationship. Moore doesn't deserve to be beat out by some new broad because she's young and different. What the hell am I saying right now?

NFC West

San Francisco 49ers (11-5)

Seattle Seahawks (7-9)

Arizona Cardinals (7-9)

St. Louis Rams (5-11)

What the hell is going on in this division? It's mayhem. Lovin' the Niners right now. So is everybody else so they'll probably disappoint, but I'm lovin' the Niners right now!

But what does it all mean?

Wild Card Weekend:

AFC

6) Pittsburgh 3) San Diego

5) Houston 4) New England

NFC

6) New York Giants 3) San Francisco

5) Minnesota 4) Dallas

Divisional Round:

AFC

5) Houston 1) Indianapolis

3) San Diego 2) Baltimore

NFC

6) New York Giants 1) New Orleans

5) Minnesota 2) Green Bay

Championship Weekend:

2) Baltimore 1) Indianapolis

2) Green Bay 1) New Orleans

Super Bowl XLV:

Green Bay vs. Indianapolis

I'm fairly confident everything will unfold exactly like this.

Image taken from Google Images